If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
