Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
