The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
