the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Holy sore nipples Batman
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
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