aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
