Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
