I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
