Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
