my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She even gives head with a lisp.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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