drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Every concussion has its silver lining
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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