I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
