i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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