The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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