man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
