I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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