He disabled his match.com account in front of me
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
