did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
