The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
