I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
