dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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