I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
organizing the empties. That sober.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
