Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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