I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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