please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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