All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
