he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
