You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
