It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
