i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
