Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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