Do you still have your period?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
