Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
