he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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