Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
