2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
