I haven't been this sober since birth.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
