My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
