The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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