I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
