No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
