The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
