i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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