You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
