Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We need to rekindle our bromance
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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