And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
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