Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
