I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
