she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
