where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
she woke up with a sticky ear
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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