We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
