Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
