1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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