Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
