i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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