apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
