Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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