Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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